When we last left our hero, he had successfully found an online suitor… 

   Finally I had come across a girl who was sane and actually messaged me back! I was happy; I had a good feeling about this one after reading her ideal first date involved “slapping kittens around”. A little more exciting than the traditional dinner and a movie. 

   We exchanged contact info and were soon instant messaging to set up details of our rendezvous. Since neither of us had access to felines we settled on a pleasant picnic in a park. She volunteered to bring the wine (earning a big thumbs up from me), so my responsibility was the food. I settled for cherries, cookies, hummus and sushi. I chose these foods because they are delicious, and I was sure my date would be able to eat at least one of the dishes - we had neglected to discuss  food allergies or vegetarianism, so I held off on the fried chicken, calf heart and peanutdairygluten bread. 

   I made it to the park first, found a nice sunny spot with no dog poop and spread out my towel. After I lay down I experienced that unique first date rush: the hunt was on! 

   After a few minutes, my date showed up and we got down to getting to know each other. Pretty soon the conversation was flowing well - we had found a mutual friend and the ice was broken. 

   The topic of online dating came up early, and whereas I was a first timer, my date had a few good stories since she had signed up. My favourite involved a good dinner with a nice guy… which quickly went sour after they headed back to his crib. Turns out the guy was a knight at the local theme park, and was creepily into himself. Professional photos everywhere (in full armour), analysing previously taped, grainy jousting matches, the whole shebang. Suffice to say my date started looking for another horse to ride. 

   Her primary use of online matchmaking was for entertainment purposes. She confirmed my suspicions regarding messaging - she might troll a few profiles once in awhile, but as a girl she received 5 - 10 messages a day so she didn’t exactly have to go on the offensive. Although I found this a bit strange, after a casual poll of other females (Jaime included), this seems to be the norm. 

   About halfway through our picnic, we were approached by the token strung out guy bumming around the park: a scruffy looking fellow sporting surprisingly trendy shades, carrying the requisite shopping bag filled with whatever. We chatted for awhile about the electricity of life and the similarity of Toronto and Boston and San Francisco. After we declined him cash, we offered him some of our food. He couldn’t take the cookies because he was diabetic, but he was a big fan of the grapes my date had brought. Eventually he sauntered off, looking for the next thrill. 

   The rest of our date went very smoothly. We bonded over our mutual fondness for karaoke. Although my favourite singing joints tend to be hole-in-the-wall dive bars, her preference was the private rooms of Chinatown. Definitely added to my “to-do in Toronto” list! 

   Soon the sun was starting to dip, and my thoughts wandered to a new dilemma: I had plans for the night, but I was also enjoying the conversation. What was the best way to end the date? I wanted to keep my plans with other friends without coming off as some a-hole blogger, soullessly using this girl as fodder for another post.

   Bearded strung out guy to the rescue! Here he came again, lurching towards us with an intoxicated purpose I recognised from late nights on Argyle Street. He flopped down beside us and began spinning off more far out tales while his cigarette ashed all over his sweater. 

   His name was Bill, and he was from Boston. He missed the ecstasy of youth. He said he was 41, but I bet my Greek barber could have cleaned him up to look under 30. He had seen lots of UFOs. He turned down cookies again, offered me a beer. 

   I almost took it, but it was time to go. My date and I said our goodbyes to Bill, and I gave him my towel as he passed out in the grass. I walked her to Spadina and King, we hugged and bid adieu. 

   In conclusion, online dating is a viable way to meet new people. If you’re going to the ‘net to find true love, I hope you have a lot of patience - there are a lot of creepy, random individuals out there (especially if you’re female). However, if you’re an open minded person who realizes every second user who cruises your profile isn’t destined to bear children with you, I think you’ll do just fine. You might even find a new karaoke buddy.